| Oh and my boring awake life.. |
[18 Aug 2009|10:25pm] |
oh I got a wee raise; but not the promotion I thought I had in the bag.
I got exceeds expectations on my review, but the head honcho of the other department chose the other candidate for the sales position over me. Hot damn. I really wanted it, because the hours were better and the pay would have been at least 1.50 more than what I am making currently, even after my review raise. I get along with everyone in that dept. too.
I know exactly why the head of the department didn't hire me for the position, she doesn't like me cause I'm young, and i would without a doubt declare, that i am pretty much an idiot when it comes to interviews. Anyways she hired an old dude with zero personality over me; the blonde 21 year old with no future.
It may in fact be all for the best. I'm going to talk to the night crew manager and try and get one of the 5 positions opening for nights, as it would be a 2 dollar an hour raise, and a consistent schedule.
It's not like i have much of a social life to begin with, so the graveyard shift idea, doesn't really bother me. For the most part. :'/
Also, I really, really, really... want to move out. I need to start making more at my current job, or find a better one, and with the job market in it's current state, it's doubtful for someone with as little skill-level and schooling such as myself to find anything better atm.
on a happier note, I'm feeling much better, and I got back to running today. So even though I'm a huge whiner, and a huge loser, my ass looks great.
Oh hai silver lining.
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| Weird reoccurring dream |
[18 Aug 2009|08:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bored |
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music |
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311- Amber |
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So i've had this dream 3 times in the past 3 weeks:
Each time a different Boy from my past is in it, driving me home, really fast down russleville road. The boy beside me always smoking, even though 2 of the three never smoked irl. It's always an eerie dark gray-blue color, and all the windows are rolled all the way down, my hair flying into my face... Always a boy that broke my heart, (ex-boyfriends or flings) all ones' that left a wound, but in the dream we are content together, the boy beside me, smiling, driving me home from an apparently nice day in my car.
When we get to my house, only the porch is there, but the house is gone, like someone picked it up and moved it without telling me. As I walk up to the porch and grasp it wondering why someone would move our house, why everyone left without telling me, I turn around and my car and one of the three for that dream is gone. Without a trace, just like the house. So I walk around and I see, off in the pasture, my dad, standing with his back turned and I wake up.
It's so weird that I've had it 3 times in the past 3 weeks, I don't understand it.
If anyone has a dream book or something, I'm just curious as to what any gay little aspect of this dream means. I looked online and didn't find any websites with any good information.
So if you know of any good sites/books do share :)
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| I RELAPSED |
[17 Aug 2009|10:02am] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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music |
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Fulcrum- Antic Romantic |
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Hard. I think i vomited 4 times yesterday.
...woe to the republic...
and i was doing so well, why do i ever drink again?
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| He loves me, he loves me not |
[12 Aug 2009|12:04am] |
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mood |
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 satisfied |
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music |
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Adele- right as rain |
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Isn't it funny, neh, ironic, that when you just want one person it seems like every other single person of the opposite sex is interested? All of a sudden, one of your closest friends is smitten and you don't even see them like that, and the one you want to see you, doesn't know you exist or they know you exist, but they just aren't interested in you like you want them to be.
hmph
I've come to but one conclusion in regards to dating, and the potentiality of falling head over heels in love... I think half the battle is becoming the person you want to be before expecting someone to love you.
I wouldn't want to settle for a mediocre version of someone, when they have the ability to be so much more than that...
so why should i expect someone else to do that for me?
Looking back at every broken heart, it all comes back to one in-avoidable truth: i have never been the best version of myself for anyone, never been the type of person i would expect someone to fall in love with.
So with these discoveries, i plan on not dating, at all, until i get my shit together completely.
Not drinking and smoking was the first step, exercising and eating right were the second, but i still have so much to do before i ruin another potential relationship.
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| Debating the elderly, the senile and the ones in denial |
[11 Aug 2009|11:50am] |
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mood |
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 groggy |
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music |
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owl city-fireflies |
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I got into a debate with this man from Africa who claimed that A.I.D.S. is just as prominent, if not not more so; in America, and that all this propaganda about the sexual lifestyle of Africans was bullshit. Heh.
It was quite hilarious, as his arguments were all lacking, "I used to live there...so i know..." "If you would visit there, then you'd know..." basically, just lame pointless responses. So i countered him, and just as i was finishing my sentence with a slightly pretentious ending, "..Once you give me a reliable source for such a ludicrous argument, perhaps i will actually consider your biased, emotion-driven, fact-less ramblings valid..."
This old lady comes in and says, "shame on you." and she gave me the shame finger.
The SHAME finger, followed up by a, "You young people don't know how to respect your elders! what are these professors teaching you in schools..." *insert shame finger again*
I honesty haven't gotten the shame finger since i was like... 7? and i stole like bologna from the fridge, or maybe chocolate from the cupboard in between meals...
Now i can only assume two things, in regards to receiving the shame finger from this seemingly older-than-dirt know-it-all-cause-im-old cunt, who obviously had no idea what we were talking about: A. my age, I'm only 21 but i look about 17, and B. the dude is black as a star-less night, and it was politically incorrect of me to tell him that the people of Africa are in fact in the midst of an A.I.D.S outbreak.
it made me laugh for like a few hours afterwords though, disrespecting people who are hella serious makes me lol
Woe to the republic.
also fml, i slept in again today.
another day another dollar
oh and p.s. day 9
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